yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
