1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
