Old men and throwing up are my life now.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
