I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
