I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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