we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
that is very illegal...i love you.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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