He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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