I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
