Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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