to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
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we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
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Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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