Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
