Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You need Xanax blowdarts
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
