Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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