Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
