He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
