my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
