Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
When did we convert life to cartoon?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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