Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
