I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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