Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
