Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
