i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
