Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
God I need to hump something, right now.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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