He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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