Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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