Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
