Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
