He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
