Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
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