Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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