Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
