Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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