Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
