now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
