if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
