she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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