I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
