every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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