So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
