Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
