Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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