just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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