i would punch a child for taco bell
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
