My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
