You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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