Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
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there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize