new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize