Dude my mom stole all your condoms
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
