The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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