Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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