It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
