Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
