so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
