Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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