OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
