Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
