i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
