So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
