Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
