I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
