i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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