so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
