Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Come share oat with me in your robe
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
