u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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