Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
