the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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