TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
