dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
