My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
