do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
